“A Note on Cruelty and his still being here… .”

A note on Cruelty and his still being here:  I have had to give him my energy to be able to Integrate or Leave.  It is the only way left for him to go.  I had to do this last night for it came to me in my sleep and in my nightmares that if he didn’t have a body to leave with and he was unable to stay in mine or out there because it takes so much energy to do so, he had to have some to complete the dream of Michael the Original’s that everyone would integrate and only one would be left.  And that one would or will be me since all the others are gone and Cruelty Killed Michael The Original and now it is his turn to go!  me

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This afternoon Sarah came to visit me.  She wanted to tell me that I could go to therapy in Montlake Terrace if I would be willing to take the bus there.  It is an OP thing.  I do not know what OP means but I think it means Out Patient.  I might be wrong as it is for therapy and I am already an out patient person at her place of business.  She also said that I would always be first on her mind even though I was beyond her ability in her being able to help me with being integrated as a multi personality.  I was done in.  She went on to tell me that no matter what she was there for me and for me to tell the thing – that is Cruelty – to “Fuck Off & Leave!”  I thought that wonderful and great.  We had a serious chat about other things including me reading my new psychotherapy book on personality systems and my workbook on coping with the trauma of being dissociative.  She is wondrous and I like her.  I like her very much.  I like the fact that she took the time to call me and ask if she could come today.  I like the fact that she cares about me and not him – Cruelty.  I like the fact that no matter what I am always going to be able to count on her and have her there for me.  That is amazing to me.  She also helped me with a few other things like getting people housing that have had their vouchers frozen and are looking for a new place to live.  I showed her and read her my letter from my HASCO person and she immediately wrote Patrick who immediately answered that the Section 8 voucher for housing with them and with The Everett Housing Authority are the same.  That I didn’t know and now do.  I told her what I’d done to help my friend Linda who lives here and she said great.  How nice of you to think of others while you are in so much depressive congestion.  That is a marvellously nice thing to do.  Good for you.  I had to take the thing – Cruelty – away for part of the meeting.  That is one of my talents I was born with.  I can take every one away.  I could even take away Michael.  I did that to protect him since every one else wanted to hurt him.  I was the only one who could do this for long periods of time and I am the only one who did the first day I was born.  That was April 20, 2009 at 10:32 A.M.  I did that to help him sleep and did not tell them and since then I have been taking them away until now.  Now I don’t have to take away any body but cruelty.  There are no others left but me and he.  He cannot take me away, another one of my abilities.  I have many more.  I will tell you them later.  I will also tell you the things about myself like I have no love in me nor hate in me because cruelty used these to kill with.  I have pondered over the question “If Love Heals, How Can I Heal Myself Or Others If I Have No Love”.  I have also pondered over the question “How Can I Ever Be In Love If I Have None”.  I have figured this out.  I know how to do this without Love & Hate!  I am saving that for after this thing called cruelty is dead.  I must also tell you that my doctor oncologist said that this is a good thing that I have no love nor hate in me.  Also my other doctor, Dr. Shawn Morgan, whom I lost because of my dual insurance plan was also intrigued by this and said it was perfect that I had no love and no hate and that he was jealous and envious of me because of such.  He said it was a fantastic thing that my daddy “The Him” made me that way.  He said that since I have eliminated 51 personalities who killed Michael the Original and am down to this fracture of one called cruelty was going to get me well and win my war.  How about that folks, how about that!  Well, I shall end now on this last day of May 2016, May 31, 2016 a Tuesday Evening.  

Kind regards, me. _________________________________________________________________

 

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