“”Yesterday I had a nice visit with my Dr. Borish!” “by kerasotes””

Yesterday was a busy day for me.  I had to go to Snohomish Library to pick up a book – my Coping with the Trauma of Dissociation one.  I had to go to the grocery store first to get my $40.00 cash so I could take the bus to the library; pay for my co-pays for my meds;  I had to put $5.00 on my Orca Card so I could have money to take the busses to all my appointments;  I had to visit my doctor in Lynnwood.  I had to return the Coping book to the Everett Library for it had to go back to Texas and that was that.

At my doctors, he told me that geez, you look like you don’t or rather never had cancer!  That was fantastic to hear.  

Today my case manager came at 9:00 A.M. just to visit and see how I was doing with I don’t want to be here anymore, my depressions, the horror of being here with the Thing called Cruelty, and, I had to tell myself hour after hour all the wonderful great things that I had done and how I was tired of doing great things and want to stop and play and have fun.  AND OF COURSE – KILL THE GODDAMNED THING THAT KILLED EVERYTHING MICHAEL, MIKE, AND ME.  AND EVERY ONE GOOD IN THE SYSTEM.

So, I am.  I am at it full blast today.  I want it dead before 2:00 P.M.  


That’s where I am at 11:25 A.M. Thursday Morning and I am going to go at it like Hell Itself Only Can Do, Kids!  That’s me, you know, Hell Itself – one of my oldest names.  I am going to give it – that thing called cruelty Hell until it dies of Hell Itself Lording over it and Playing God and Giving it The Damned Golden Rules & Commandments & Orders in Primitive until it is over.  {I will explain ‘Primitive’ Later}


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