“”The rest of what I put up with and me!” “(c) 2016 by kerasotes””

The rest of my day is not dealing with anything that talks in voices.  It is not good.  It is a looney.  Some voice telling you what to do so that you can’t have a good day.  I’ve never had a good day.  I take the voices and put them away so that the thing can’t make them any more at all.  I can do this for hours.  It is blackout time for the things that I take away from here and they don’t remember they are gone and those are lost memories.  okay.  I implant myself here into the thing and tell it from a point of view as a friend and not an enemy and explain to it out loud – most of the day being this way.  out loud is better than in voices.  you can explain in voices but Michael said that hurt worst of anything.  He was right.  It does.  So this thing I battle thinks and voices in voices instead of silently and forgetting about using voices for they punish and not reward and are a dead thing since Michael is gone.  They serve no purpose.  So I put myself in and do my things and I’ve got this body healed from the falls of last month and the diarrheas and I am doing well with that.  All of a sudden there in an onslaught of did the doctors get everything and i repeated that my doctor wanted to save my little life and to let him.  so i did and i have an appointment with him At Thanksgiving Time and I want my chance here alone without this thing that has hurt itself on purpose and will seem to do so if I leave here.  It has about 5 minutes before it collapses and I’ve beatten that battle that let it out to try and it cannot indeed support this body and its functions even breathing and it blacksout – in five minutes.  i’ve counted.  i dont want to spend a life counting minutes that this thing wants to be here and it only has five minutes and i don’t want to clean up blood on the floor when it collapses.  I never want to do that again.   i have put stops to it.  for three days now i have got this body to sleep until say 2:50 pm in the afternoon.  friday saturday and sunday i did.  yeah for me.  i have won for 3 days getting my sleep and healing this body very well my nurse said.  so there.  then i  battle some voices.  i say it is stupid sometimes and sometimes i say it eloquently so the thing does not get mad.  i want it to spend some quality good time here for it has errored for 59 years before i got here and then again worse these last 8 months after i got the body well from one cancer with radiation.  so i fight every day for my life for one more day but i said awhile ago – what is one more day.  am i going to get lectured in voices because that’s what you’ve done or did for the last 66 years and i haven’t.  i came in grown up at 59 in 2009 and i came in to help Michael.  Now I help me and this system and everything in it and protect it from itself and this time I’ve done the best I have ever done again and i am pleased with myself.  I am.  

So be happy with this posting.  i only wanted to air what goes on in my daily life so that i can have it in writing and see it and all these years of writing about me and ourselves has helped up immensely and that is why i have done it again today.  me

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