“”Giving Us Quality Time … ” “(c) 2016 by kerasotes””

“”Giving Us Quality Time … ”       

 

August 30, 2016 [from my WordPress.com] [and re-edited and fixed from my Facebook Kerasotes.Mike pages today at 5:44 p.m.]

“”Giving Us Quality Time … ”

What I do all day to help this body and its mind and brain and organs and being and other personalities even if they are fragments or fractures or whole personalities even though it is down to just the two of us and me. I try to get it not to hurt itself. I try to protect it from hurting itself. It used to be easy. Now it is hard and difficult but yet for me for that comes from the all of us and not me – for me it is easy to see and do — for us it is not. I was made whole. This other part of Michael was too once upon a time. He never seems to remember that but he was. He came after Michael was 5. I told him. He’s supposed to know it. He’s supposed to know all they whys the whats the who’s the hows the all the elses and how he was made and when and where and why and what for. but he has never had a good day. neither have I. I have had a good time when I have been here alone. I have had my time with Michael when I’ve taken us away to a place where me and Michael were in private and no one else could see or pry or hear or anything let alone remember that me and Michael went away together to do something Michael wanted to do. I did that for him. I’m doing that now for this body and its last fracture a personality that i am building from pieces and parts that I’ve saved from its life and its memories and its mind and its being for I have known it before it re-fractured and came at a time when this was trying to kill Michael along with everyone else but my dad ‘The Him’! So I have got it to sleep for four days in a row now. A record it says. I have got it to stop using its voices so it doesn’t hurt. I have been able to get my medicine in the body so that it helps everything in it. Then it doesn’t hurt. There is a lot of pain. A lot is from the Bone Cancers. There are a bunch of them. Pain medicine as you know doesn’t work after a while. You reach a tolerance and you want more but my doctor says that is bad. You want a stronger medicine for pain and he says that is not what you want – what you want or need to do is to take another pill for the pain that I have prescribed you. You have to imagine that you have enough for almost a month. They don’t always last if you take another for the pain like the doctor said to do so you manage them. One day you will need 3 of the pills and 6 of the other and one for sleep if not two. And all of that is allowed. You have to remember that when you do this, you lose a day or two of meds. But since they dont work every day all day long the way they did the first year when you were battling pain and it was awful. Now it is worse because more bones spur and deteriorate and get arthritis just from age let alone chemo and radiation. My doctor and I and my nurse and my people all seem to understand this. They are pleased that I can manage my meds for 30 days say for that is the time I go to see my regular family doctor who is very good to me. He is the one I wrote about who said I’d make a good doctor – i do my homework. we have a nice relationship now and i have worked hard at this. Me and My Nurse hit it off immediately and like and respect each other and I value her highly and can call her when I am damaged and battered and don’t know how it happened. – A Black Out – and Unconsciousness — she helps me with that and 911 and the fire departments and the police departments and my hospitals and my staffs and my peoples there and my other cancer doctors and my special person they give me just because i am a cancer patient {although I think they give this person to everyone at Providence in Everett} and He knows and likes and understands immediately my situation and helps me so completely get what i need and what they all think i need to recover from whatever it is i am there for and i’ve been there really like every day for two years say. So it is nice when the cops come and the fire department and the aide car and the medics come and already know me. We smile even though it may look like i’m about to die and they cheer me up and help me wait for the people who can actually get me where we all think i need to go.

So Imagine This and imagine that I am doing this for something that has never had an enjoyable moment nor a good time by itself and never would have nor will without me helping it help it self and now it has one which is unusual for we aren’t allowed anything new and i have rebuilt this thing from memories and likes and dislikes it had and the things that made it happy and helper and protect from hurting itself let alone another – like me or this body for it thinks of the body as another personality although it can never be it does that.

I tell it not to hurt and counter the triggers that were set by it to hurt to interrupt and to destroy things like glass objects that are just pretty. Okay. That is what I have been spending my time on. Working on this thing to get it to a place it never has been and can stay in and not worry about having to leave to go away to not be here anymore and have told it to put all that stuff off because it has been such a priority to be well that way and has caused this thing nothing but grief and I have insisted that it keeps its name because that gives it a self and an identity and being and I’ve done a good job.

and It Has Learned and is trying to correct its cognitive errors and does and tries to correct its triggers the way i have showed it how for 8 years even though this piece in newer than me and not all of the original one who is not here now and i can to stop it and this and help it like i did with my Daddy protect , a helper, to help and protect and save Michael from dying. I did this. Then Michael wanted to go. Sad but true. He’d had enough. So I helped him go and asked if i could have this body and he said yes. So i’ve got it now after two new helpers gave up and left and i’ve been at it for eight years working with this every day and i must have done something that it likes for it wants to stay with me and get better so i decided that was the better thing to do than to eliminate and let it die. So I’ve decided to help and teach and learn it all the things I am. I am nice and good and kind and am liked and have done great things. I did them for Michael. It was me and it was fun and I enjoyed doing them. Now I am showing this how to do it for itself. a Great Thing can be a Moment of Peace something this has never had. I’ve gotten it there now. I want to keep at it so it can get well – feel better – have a good day. It takes work. I am prepared. I was made that way it says. How nice.

It is working. and i will leave it there and close for the day. Franklin for me and Phillip and this body and Michael and his dream…………………………………………..

 

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