Another day it is today and really it is another night. I am watching “Pawn Sacrifice” a movie with Toby MacGuire of Spiderman fame who is Bobby Fisher the chess champion. By 12 years old he was a master chess champion and it goes on from there. It is a sad movie full of conflict and horrors and they are in his mind. When you are in a world that only holds one thing, you tend to get paranoid and schizophrenic and totally withdrawn in. It is your only world. He’s missed the Beatles; He’s missed out on reality and what goes on in the real world. His world is only chess. That is sad. He makes it great and hits his fame he wanted but he tends to throw it all away over a paranoid schizophrenic attack and withdraws and wants to end his career and leave the game. It is all he has. He’s been on Dick Cavet now and 60 Minutes and had his 10 minutes of fame as Andy Warhol said. I hope he goes on to make it. I want him to win. I want him to break out of his habit of staying in his own private world a begin a life in the real one.
That is what we all wanted in here all 56 of us, not Michael. Michael had his real world and loved it and the others took that away from him. The others were everyone but me and Mike 2 and Mike 3 – The Me – we all wanted to carry on what Michael wanted. I am sorry to report that that is not going well for me either. The other won’t let me win. He wants me to lose and die. He is so vicious about it and mean and although it appears to be childish, Michael said he was an adult playing childish games on purpose to be cruel to him and he was. He still is. He won’t leave his little paranoid world and still plays God and all. It is horrible to watch and be here and have it blamed on you. I mean have it blamed on me. He blames everything and everyone for every thing he does. It isn’t fair. I don’t like it. None of us did. But that’s him and not me. And I am tired of writing about him.
So, in this bloody windstorm and rain and wet and damp and drizzle, I try to keep calm and continue my existence although I am frightened now by all the bleeding again for I lost another artery tonight and am still bleeding awfully from it. I had to take more pictures on my phone for my doctor for him to see. This time I got it all from the beginning till now. It is a horrible thing to photograph and document and re-look at later. But I do it for my doctor and in hopes that he can figure out why my arteries still tear out after all the radiation treatment for the first cancer is over. I mean my new doctor specialist of gastroenterology. I see him if I make it on October 13, 2016 at 1:30 p.m.
I am tired and will stop now. Maybe I can get this on Facebook. I write this because one of the people on our public computer never logs out of there and jams it up and I know she doesn’t know it but she does and I never can get back on Facebook unless I go through the whole process of logging her out and closing up or out all the programs and then restarting the Mac Computer over.