“”Something is happening today, the other is dying… and I am very sad!” “by kerasotes””

“Something is happening today, the other is dying… and I am very sad!”  The other, Phillip is his name, is dying.  He’s dying by the tons today.  This has been going on all week.  But today is different and very strange and I am very sad.  

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.   He was supposed to integrate since that became possible in November and December after the left of him did.  It is awful this crying and dying thing.  I have this battle to win and a life to try and save.  I have a team of doctors who are trying to help me with the listeria’s and the cancers and all and yet I have him here and he steals my or this body just to hurt it and now it has come to the point where it is too much.  I am never really happy all we do is quarrel or fight.  I try to help him and he punishes me.  I am tired of it and life and I was supposed to be the little boy who lived.  Even though I started life at 59 years of age in 2009, I am the young one of the last of us.  He was supposed to leave so I could get this body well or try.  

A year ago December 28th, 2015, me and my cancer doctor thought I would win.  Then he began to shit me on purpose forcing shits out of me bleeding me constantly.  This went on during radiation and then for months afterwards.  Finally in October after losing so much blood and stuff and the game if you will or the battle, I found a doctor who knew what to do to help the blood stop and the ulcers go away and give or gave me another chance to win and he, the other, started in on me worse than before.  He wouldn’t let me sleep.  I lost all my meals.  I cut down on eating to lose weight and not have to go to the bathroom and have bowel movements so much and now today I am so sad that a year ago I had a chance at life and he’s practically taken that away from me.

I want my time my chance here alone.  It is the only way I can win.  With only one in the body, I have that chance.  With two personalities fighting each other all the time, it is a losing battle.  

I am at a loss as what to say.  

I want my day.  I want my chance.  Everyone promised me it from Michael the original on down to the me who left in October last year.  I want my time alone.  I want to be able to heal.  I was told I could do it and win.  I want my day.  I want my chance.  I want to live and it is the last day  of the year and here I am crying and not wanting to do anything but sleep and he won’t let me and I’m tired of the battle the horror the shitting my guts out and the bleeding and the pain.  The pain is so awful even the pain pills don’t work.  I can’t have morphine because my family PCP doctor doesn’t believe in it and every one of my other doctors do.  It isn’t fair.  I want my day.  I want my chance.  I want the New Year to be mine and mine alone.  I am working hard on this today.  It is my only hope.  I have to eliminate him since he won’t go on his own.  I’ve tried to convince him but he just won’t stop his voices and meannesses and the other tricks he plays and the blame and the guilt and the shame and the punishment of a child who is over  60 years of age who’s been here since 1956 after Michael was 5 would be a better way to say it.  I want my day.  I want to live.  I want this next year all for myself alone.  That way I can do it.  That’s what I believe.  So did all the others.  There were 56 of us personalities all together with Michael the Original and if I don’t get to have my chance, my day, it hurts me and wounds me and I am tired of this hurt and this pain and this horror of an alternate personality without a personality bothering me continually and trying to destroy me like he did Michael and all the rest.  

I want my day.  I want my chance.  I have worked hard at it and I want this for Michael and all the rest of us who agreed that I could do it and that’s what I want for New Year’s.

 

 

Is that too much?  

I don’t think so.

With my saddest kindest regards,

                      me

 

Franklin – The Last Mike Kerasotes posted on December 31st, 2016 at 4:09 P.M. P.S.T. my time here in Everett, Washington USA. 

 

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