Well I have a lot on my mind today! I took care of finding out about my energy assistance and they are processing my application and will call if anything is needed. I have to find a new psychiatrist and deal with my old doctor about the listeria diseases because ever since they found the 7 cancers, he and the have ignored it. I am cold all the time and don’t warm up anymore. It is 14 degrees here today or was around 8:30 this morning. Gads, that’s the coldest I’ve seen it here. I have new medicines to pick up and a visit with the old doc on the 18th which means I run out of pain pills before I see him. They aren’t really working much anymore which is a shame.
Dealing with the other and his lack of cooperation in helping this body get well and attacking it and me all the time has taken a toll on me since I got it in October 2015. It is over a year and he hasn’t friended me or this body or himself in over a year now. That’s when I had hopes of integrating him. He won’t do a thing to promote it and is doing his worst by voicing and trying to make each day unbearable. I can’t stand it – just like Michael and the others. I’m tired and worn and tired of his idiodicity !!!
What a shame since when I met him in 2009 and I thought he was intelligent and could change and get well. He just wants to make every day the worst and ruin everything he said again today.
I wrote a friend about a shrink and he’s trying to help me find one since my doctor won’t. Odd that my doctor will find me other doctors to help cure me but not help me find a shrink. It will be an ordeal this next visit with the old man. I used to respect and like him and now I am just disappointed ! Disappointed! All the work and letters I wrote him and the discussions I’ve had with and the last time he was simply mean to me. Oh Well! What’s a Body to Do, Michael would say.
I’m tired of watching movies over and over but there is nothing else to do when the other won’t let you sleep or relax and is constantly threatening me like a child gone mad.
I am at the point of there is nothing to do for nothing is worth the torture of him and his voices and his hurting me and this body and himself. I keep trying to keep him sane and save myself and this body but I feel it is in vain. I get no help from him after 8 years of work on him. Sad. It is so sad for me and finally this body stopped crying a little bit ago. I think it has been crying since 3 a.m. this morning and I don’t know why. I’d need the me who is gone to help but he left. Michael is gone and so is the Mike. So are all the others so there is no help inside here in me but me. I’m tired of trying and getting no where. I had to give up yesterday when it was sunny for he threatened me too much for me to go pick up my meds, go to the store to shop for food, and go get toilet paper. My foot is killing me and I’ll have to walk many blocks to Walgreens and back down to QFC and then home. I’m trying to wait till it warms up a bit. My nerves are wracked and so is my brain and now I am crying again from the pain.
Why does a creature like the other want nothing in this world but to hurt you and the body he lives in? I don’t understand this anymore. I used to think I could help but it gets us nowhere. He fights me over everything even typing the right keys.
So today I am sad and not really depressed. I know I can do the things I need to do today but I am not looking forward to it. Not at all!
So how is your day? Is it going well? I do hope so, I do.
With my kindest regards, I close, me.
Posted on January 6, 2017 [This is Greek Epiphany or the 12th Day of Christmas when The Three Kings Came!]