“Voices & Phillip & His Plan!” I want to write about Voices and The Other and His Plan and how I am trying to change it so that he can have a happy life instead of one of misery. I also found there is a third alternative and that is this: we could live together peacefully if we did what Dr. Shawn Morgan said which is be friends. Phillip has to friend me, friend himself, and friend this body! He has to quit making voices. He knows how to do this. He has been doing this at my suggestion to go to sleep in bed. Lately he has been doing a better job of it and we have been getting more sleep. It isn’t the 8 hours a day that Michael said was required to get the perfect rest and sleep everyone else enjoys. There are four parts of sleep. We don’t get that anymore. I think that is what he has to work on next besides this: He Has To Stop Making Voices. Voices are in the head that we hear and no one else does. They are awful things especially when he is mad. He punishes himself and me as he did others as there were 50+ of us and an original (Michael) and now that there are only 2 of us, it is time to stop. If he is to have a happy life, he cannot make voices anymore. The Me who was the last personality created (March 9, 2014) worked with him on this. I have too. I have found that Phillip has understood me and quits making voices so we can sleep. Now he has to do that when we aren’t going to sleep. All day long is the plan. No More Voices. Then he won’t go insane from hearing them and scratch at his head to dig them out. I discovered this last night when he woke me up by his scratching and voicing and it occurred to me that this was the case. He tries to scratch out the voices. That you cannot do. I told him so. He cried. He understands. Now he has to do the work to stop them like The Me said to do. If he can do that, he can have some happiness.
The next thing is to alter his plan. His plan is to rock and twitch and chew his ‘cud’ like a cow’ which means he chews and grinds his teeth continually and that is the cause of a lot more of his problems. Chewing constantly gives you headaches. It hurts. If you twitch and rock and fidget all day, you get pains in your muscles and back and head and feet and hands and arms and legs and really everywhere. This also he has to stop if he wants to feel better and have a better happier life. I’ve told him this for years. He cried today when I told him this and that means he understands. It was during this telling that I remembered that if he stopped being mean to me, we might be friends and get along and then we could enjoy life and I wouldn’t have to leave and neither would he. It would be better that way. Then the Trudy Chase Book “When Rabbit Howls” would work. I think it would be better if only one of us were here. I think this because there would be only one person in the body and no more switching personalities that causes headaches and all kinds of undesirable things. You don’t get to keep your food in and you end up in pain and have accidents from losing your food and such. This is a big worry and a big problem for us. It was this way for 60 years or so, I think. Phillip has been here over 60 years and has done this all his life. He’s critical and judgmental and orders people about who are not within him or this body and that causes other problems. There are physical, mental, emotional and psychological problems caused by this. I’ve told him about this all my life. I came in April 20, 2009 and have been at him about this since then. Only now does it “Sink In” that I am correct and He is Not. That makes him cry. That means he understands.
The next problem maybe the final one is the “CONSTANT TALKING”!!! This is something I have figured out that happened a long time ago. Somewhere in their past (and by their past I mean Michael and all the 53 others before I got here) they started this need to hear out loud comments and things like parenting and comforting and the emotional crutch of hearing this out loud made it continue instead of stopping and they went on ignoring what was said out loud and began voicing within the head and punishing themselves or the others or Michael by that and that hurts and is now killing the brain. It is an awful thing. Your mouth hurts after two hours of continual talking and this moves to your neck and shoulders and back and the strain is awful on your or this body. I have complained and explained this for years. Now it is written down. Having it written down seems to have helped this system and everyone in it and that’s why we wrote on here. So now it must be stopped – this constant out loud talking. We are 67 physical years of age and old. We have 100 diseases and 7 cancers and are dying. 8 and a 1/2 death sentences in 2015 alone plus those of radiation which after 4 weeks every time you go in and you go in every day and they turn on the machine it could kill you and you are no longer biodegradable and you die. They don’t tell you this when you sign the papers over two inches thick (say) and they should. It was an awful thing to find out and this goes on for like 4 weeks. I had this happen to me during Christmas of 2015 and by December 28, 2015, my doctor told me I had passed this point. That was a little relief and I felt a little better about continuing radiation.
If I had been in this body alone, things would have improved. Things would have been much better and maybe everything my cancer doctor told me would have come true. But Phillip wouldn’t leave and it worsened because of his constant hurting and punishing and meanness and it became torturous and hasn’t stopped. That’s why I am leaving. Everyone else left because of Him and This. Just in case you wanted to know why I am giving up and leaving and why there are only 2 of us left and none of the others are here. They and even The Original (Michael) couldn’t stand this awful torture 24 hours a day. Now that there are only 2 of us it hurts Phillip and really not me (but it does hurt me for I was promised to be here alone to complete my plan and work to get this body better if I could and Phillip prevented this). Phillip is hurt by his torturing all the others who came before me and has really never stopped. It is horrible to explain this again and again every day but now he seems to understand and when he cries I know he understands. But is that enough – you know him understanding – for him to change and stop. He has to stop hurting himself and people who are dead and the rest of the world he wants to hurt just because he thinks he can. Sometimes he does hurt other people and sometimes he does not. He does know the difference. But he is the one who has to do the work. He has to do it for Himself. He has to do it alone. I don’t know if he will do this and that is also why I want to leave. I want out of here. I want to be gone. I want to be dead. That’s what ‘going away’ or ‘leaving’ or ‘integrating’ or ‘being gone’ or ‘dead’ is. It is a death.
I think the realization of this all came after I wrote my letter that Michael Wanted. Michael Wanted An Apology Written To Everyone Who Got Hurt By These Others and Not Him or Me and I Wrote It & Sent It Out to Everyone Every Where I Could yesterday.
So that is where we are now. Maybe I will copy/paste this to Facebook and such later. Maybe I will. It might be a good thing. I’ve posted the letter I worked out with Phillip’s Help yesterday Everywhere. Maybe it needs to go to Facebook. If he starts stopping his Plan of Hurt, I will. He will also have to Plan a New Plan of Peace & Getting Alone and Being Friends With Me & Himself & This Body and He will also have to do this for himself for I am going to die anyway from all the hurt so far as I cannot take another day of it. I hope you understand all this better now. I hope I have done a good job of explaining what it is like to be a Multi-Personality and Hurt. I wanted to do this Brilliantly and don’t think I have but at least it was done pretty well. Now maybe you can all understand the Pain of Being A Multi-Personality and know that it is an Awful Horrid Thing. I was made Well. Now This Body Has A Chance At Being Well If Only Phillip Will Do What The Doctors Said To Do. Then I Can GO!
Franklin for me and then for Phillip, then for everyone else who was part of us who are now gone, then for the people they all hurt, and then for the people that this all was for to help them.
[Posted on Monday, 20 FEB 2017]