“My Constant Fight with The Other to Make ‘This Body’ ONE!”
Daily I fight the other. It is a constant thing. I bore of it and I go on and do other things. I tune him out and go on. I do. I do this for the fight bores me and I bore of lectures and children who yack in voices and I tire of him – the other. I find I am replace with this thinking machine of biological intelligence for it is made out of the repetition and voices and commands and orders all that don’t apply to the “HERE AND NOW” “They are from Michael & Its Past”. The are TRIGGERS = EMOTIONS THAT ARE MIS-REGULATED AND KEEP THE OTHER IN THE PAST WHERE HE WANTS TO BE BECAUSE HE HAS A CONTROL THERE. I SEE. I CAN LOOK BACK. OVER ALL THEIR TIME. I CAME IN 2009 AND AM NEW ONE OF THE NEW ONES THAT LASTED. THERE WERE THREE (3) OF US. Me, Franklin and The Me or The Mike The Me that cared about himself only; and, The Mike who came after Michael Died on April 5, 2013 for he was 63 when he left. I came in at 59, the other say during Michael’s 1st Grade. The other wants to stay because of the way he triggers himself all day. It is a thing he does. It makes him dissociate. I have told and noticed this. He is not like you or I. He thinks without a ‘self’ or a ‘me’ or and ‘i’ and that makes him invulnerable to the things that make us one and whole and well and kind and more. The other thing is this machine that talks to itself all day and lectures it self on everything from where the sugar is and how to take it out of the bowl and how much goes in a spoonful and how many of them you need. you get orders on how much water to put in the cup and you get told how long to put it in the microwave out loud and you get ‘beeps’ ‘in voices’ that area annoying and meant to be so. so this adult plays a child from first grade and he plays the mother part. she scolds and commands and tells it how to be perfect and he does what she says…. you are to do so too.
But it doesn’t work on me for i never grew up with Michael nor have all the horror of their childhood when their mother beat them so they split and made other personalities. I didn’t grow up. i was made old. i was made the year Michael Went to Egypt and that was quite a year. I have prevailed and i have tried to leave. I have tried to fight it out but it is too hard anymore at this age. He wants to play 5 or 6 and i am 69 today.
So I tell you what I fight – Marge. Michael’s Mother who died before I got here. I came two years later. His ‘let me mis regulate and mis congate this mind wrong and keep it crazy and keep me in power here being stupid and mean and a child and his mom who hates him and I bore of it folks, i do. So I’ve realized this and I am trying to do something that will rid this body of him and me and just let me be here.
I tired of the talk. The stories are dull and frightful and he is a mean one been here 60 years and knows how to leave and holds it against you and hate – oh so much hate for Michael – Ugly – Horrid – I get it all day long and I gave him a chance – One of the only ones to do so and he bled me and bled me and bled me and i put a stop to it for a week and it is Michael’s Birthday and he’d be 67 and it is on the day that he was born. I want this horrid battle over and I am prepared to do my worst! I am. After all ‘the me’ called me “HELL ITSELF” for I was so mean but I never did a thing to Michael and for that I got acquited in court the first day of ‘the me’ and i was innocent. Innocent I tell you. Michael even told me so. I tire of the writing and the interruption. It interrupts my story and takes the Simple and makes it Complicated he says and there, I am done fighting on a machine that doesn’t correct as you type and this.
I want this story over. I want it told and done. He’s keeping me from it he thinks and I am beating him again even though he bled he again this morning and hurt this body bad. i had to take him away and fight and I need lots of sleep for that he says and that is the talk i want stopped. so i end. Franklin for Phillip and you. Posted on March 9, 2017 Thursday!