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“”i don’t know i think i like it better when i take a break from here” “By kerasotes””

“i don’t know i think i like it better when i take a break from here”

i don’t know i think i like it better when i take a break from here and have us work out how to have a happier happy ending life than the horror of what I’ve figured out was their 20 year old war with Michael and their 30 year old war with Michael. Of Course This War Went on All His (Michael) Life. Awful. Since all of The Others are Gone, why do we have to war ??? Why War when We Could Have FUN! That’s what I am working on and I am working on repairing what chemo and radiation did to this body and I am 1 year 2 months after radiation and bleeding every day to 5 days without bleeding and I stabilized my weight at 155 pounds. I worked real hard at this. Getting the Bleeding Stopped Was A Goal from Last Year. I’ve almost got that under control and I’d say some days I don’t bleed. Pretty Good for me. You realize I am battling the last of the old horrible personalities that killed the original just to stay alive. They didn’t want to die. The didn’t like that idea. So they took over and by doing so ruined their lives and Michael’s. Michael wanted “A Day Without Voices” and he’d wanted that in like 1994 so this is 2017 and that’s like a 20 year war these personalities had with Michael for they all decided they “Didn’t Want A Good Day!” !!!! I’ve written about how they had no plan for what they’d do without Michael – and that they would then have no place to ‘Get Well’ – No Michael – They Couldn’t Integrate! Integrate means Well. Integrate = Death.  [What a horrible concept to face as a personality knowing that you have to end or give up your life to become One with The Host Original Personality and die.  You really just die.  It is hard to take.  But so easy to do.  Think of it as a step.  It really is a thought.  You just leave.  Integrate = It also means whole and one – all personalities integrate into one – hopefully the host. He gets well and lives a happy ending life. Since he’s gone and it’s 20 years later and we are still fighting over that ’24 hour – lets not hear voices‘ wars of theirs and i got here in 2009 and now they are all gone but this one and I Asked If I Could Have This Body From Michael Since No Body Else Wanted It. And he said “Yes, I could have it!” So there. It’s mine and I’m going to keep it. I don’t want it hurt. He [the other or Phillip} does. He wants to hurt this body. He’s still at war with it and Michael. It is sick. It is childish. It is an awful thing to watch. I trained its brain to help me and I am winning at that. I got a pill to help me. It does. Serotonin is the brain drug that I needed because of all the brutal attacks and horror and punishment and then persecutor personality attack upon me [and this thing is 60+ years in this body having a bad day and is very good at it if you want to compliment a good thing (which I don’t) and gads 60 years at having a bad day, can’t it end? So That’s What I Am About, Getting this body some peace and to feel good and enjoy the days it has. Me Franklin am doing this for that is what Michael wanted ! (and since “The Mike” said in 2013 April that we are supposed to do the things Michael couldn’t because of things like us. And so I do. I like them. I think this body is all set up to do the things that Michael would do. I got the rock collection to Culver; I got The Apology to Culver that Michael Wanted; I got his name Immortalized at his favorite old high school (Culver Military Academy); I Got The _____ – I’ve lost it and it’s important the other says so he is blocking it. I see no point in this and am eliminating it. He’s Good At This & IT IS A BAD THING – so he does it. I’ve got him on working being kind. He likes that better. He helps me sleep.  He’s helping me do other things.  I want it Peaceful Here – No More War.  My body is 67 years old and has been just a year and two months out of Radiation and that does Terrible Things To Your Body – Radiation Does!  So, I’m working on getting him, Phillip, ready to leave. To Leave is To Die. It is also To Integrate. You Become One with The Original and then you live as a part of a whole restored no longer ‘a part’ but part of the whole – the whole being. I am able to tell Phillip not to do bad things and to help me sleep and to have a better time of it during the day. Instead of a Battle To Kill The Other Couldn’t It Be Have A Happy Ending. Have Fun. Enjoy the Day You Have. Now. We are 67 years old not 37 years old like this War. Ok? And He Understands. So, I know I will win. He is dying. He’s less than half of what he started with with me (and he shouldn’t) – he’s less than whole. He was a fractile of himself a fracture i believe is the correct word. Serotonin helps you restore the chemical this part of the brain has not had in a long time. feeling like you want to live and it is worth it and not obsessive and compulsive and panic and attack and hurt and I’m putting an End To All This. I Am. So I am taking a break to do my battles offline and in person and alone. Privately. I want to be alone to think it out. Then Since It Has Been Working and My Brain Is Helping Me Now, I want to continue and even start psychotherapy since my doctor said to. I will find a psychiatrist to help me with ridding this body of the other or Phillip for he is just to mean and not fit to run this body and I don’t want to give up (another serotonin) and leave the body to him. I Do Not Want To Leave The Body To Him. So my Dissociation Doctor Said It Could Be Done – Murder the other personality. They murdered Michael. I was acquitted March 9, 2014. And I’m gonna kill him for it. I’m gonna kill him for Murdering Michael. Since they did it, I can. I have found the way Brain to kill the little trouble-maker – I Have. So there.

See you all in a while. This will take me some time. The little blue pill takes effect in my system in 3 more pills. That’s sometime Thursday When I Think I Can Kill Phillip. To The Death, then. To the Death!

Kindest regards,

Franklin

3/27//2017 Monday Morning

“”Serotonin & Dopamine Pathways & Functions — What they do!” “By kerasotes””

Serotonin & Dopamine Pathways & Functions — What they do
[The Hurt or Hurters & The Help or Helpers12715299_10208812915308013_6103378633113856117_nThe personality systems of Michaelpage 144 minutes ago · ]

Serotonin & Dopamine Pathways & Functions — What they do —

Serotonin & Dopamine Pathways & Functions
and what they do – I like this chart.

Last year I did the work to help these things. It paid off. Dopamine Functions: Reward Pleasure Motor Function -fine tuning Compulsion Perseveration on the one side; and, the other side are the serotonin functions Mood Memory Processing Sleep Cognition.

This year I get to finish it aqnd make this body one. Now today March 16, 2017 I have a new way to help increase the other good things that were destroyed by the others in ‘taking the life away of Michael’ and giving him a bad day things’ are in here. I hope in two weeks I get rid of Phillip and Continue Life as Planned. I wanted him to understand and here is the chart of what he didn’t do last year with Dr. Morgan the Ph. D. in Dissociation who taught me how to correct Cognitive Error and Triggers and Emotions.

Now I get help from a little blue pill to help me with his 5 diseases he stole to make everyone’s life miserable. franklin

——————————–
I put all this back up on one page.  The Others Spent their lives their time taking away.  Once they had stolen away Michael and He wasn’t around to run the body any more, you all messed up and didn’t give yourselves the lives you should have and done something like the Mike told you to do and that was do the things Michael couln’t do and learn your likes and dislikes as everything that Michael did you may not like nor want to do.  You all didn’t plan this.
You didn’t plan lives for yourselves.
What were you going to do all day if you were the only one here? _______________________________________________ {ANSWER}
(they don’t have one.)
20 years went by and in or by 2015 only 2 out of 57 people were left and one of them not whole but fractured and I watched this being there.  And I found and said “So these Centers and Systems and Functions & Pathways to and in your Brain got disrupted” and “your life became destroying someone else’s”.   20 Years Passed !!  You did This You Did It To Yourselves.  Phillip, you did it too.  I got here in 2009 when you were all over 59 years of age.  I did not do this to myself.  I had not planned for 20 years on how to ruin a man’s life.  You ruined it because you were a part of him and were supposed to integrate and go back into him so he could have all his memories and life back.  That you didn’t do.  You all got rid of him.
He died and we got the Mike the next day.
That was in April 2013 on the 5th.  I want you gone before that day rolls around this year.  Do you know what that means?  You go so I can stay here alone and do my doctors and tests and be alone and one and was made that way and didn’t fracture nor torture myself the way you all did and i told you not to do that to yourselves 4 years ago.  You didn’t stop.  Phillip, Michael’s gone and you didn’t stop.  You didn’t give yourself that “good day”  you kept taking the good day away and replacing it with a “bad one”.  You could take away a good day and give us terrible day instead with a billion voices of the dead like Marge and George and Michael and Robert and Beth Voices all at the wrong ages and children and none of us ever heard Marge because she died before we got here [and there were 3 of us like that].  you all did this to yourselves 20 years ago just for a crummy ending in a book that did give you a way out, Doctor Scher’s and Integration instead of Opposing it and making that and all day long issue for the rest of your lives.  I don’t have that.
It doesn’t work that way anymore.  You are dying.  I’m getting older.  You are against this body – I am not!  You must go.  My doctor told me yesterday when he gave me this stuff to take with the “I want to throw myself out the library on the 9th floor every morning at 2 a.m. when the thing is closed – it is very inconvenient when you throw one of your little moods.  And this pill takes care of 6 major diseases or depressions, six – 6 – .  Six of them at once.  I like it.  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is one of those 6, you gave yourself that.  Awful.  I told you about this stuff the day I got here and again today.  I want you to go away on your own before you die from never doing a good thing for yourself and having real fun in this real body since twenty years ago.   So i put all your charts up here that I took on my phone for you with all the dates of the people and when they came.  i was going to write the reasons but you interfered.  The Me said you were not to know The Original Reason Why Michael Split and That’s how things go.  I will write it out if I can.  If I live through all this.  There is that possibility, I may give out.
But “” Here are The Charts I Did The Doctor Liked and was Intrigued With “” just for you.
I want you to go away.  I want you out of here.  You want the same thing.  Help me with it and we’ll see if we can’t get you out of here in two weeks once the meds start kicking in and helping me.  I want you to help me help you go away and integrate.
There – that’s it.   The End, franklin.   March 16. 2017.  Thursday   f

“”I have been working on my problem!” “By kerasotes””

“I have been working on my problem!”

 

I have been working alone on my problem and thought I’d write you a bit about it. I have found things out and am sorting it out. So much of this to cut out i see. It’s work. I have been sleeping. I figured out a way. As for the other, I still talk to him occaisionally and work with him. His Voices are the Problem. He and They must go. I find them utterly useless. I am explaining it to him. Why torment yourself in Voices to be here when here is a trap with triggers and emotions and crazy ways of thinking that make you unhappy. They are all Michael based and from his childhood and have nothing to do with me at all. I came is 2009, grown up, He came in as a child. He still thinks that works for him and it doesn’t. You see there is no more Michael and all his triggers and emotions and ways of thinking – the cognitive parts – are errored and errored to keep them going and him doing it and being here. But finally this body brain and mind have reached a point with me (the last of the new things to survive) that I don’t need this, don’t have it, and that ‘it’ is what is making things go wrong. Even the headaches from Switching Personalities are Brutal. Too much wear and tear on the brain. Last year 40 falls and brain damage could have resulted. The tax on the brain of having two people at being here and winning is too much. I have to eliminate the pain in the brain and body and getting rid of him solves this issue. Too many centers in the brain are being used and run wrong by a creature of habit that needs no longer exist and who has to go. I am forcing him out. I no longer want him here. He has no function here that helps me or this body and I was told I got it free and clear of all the others and that I would win. I have found the way to win now and hope I can hold out and continue and soon this awful story will be over so ‘i can get back on with my life’ and ‘my chance’ and do it. That’s what this break has been about. Solving the Voicing Issues and keeping Phillip advised of what I am doing so he can see what is wrong here and how his just being here hurts us and this. It hasn’t been easy. It won’t be. It just won’t be easy. It is hard and work and I am at it. So the note is getting long and I must stop. So Phillip can’t run this body. I was wrong about that. It needed me to figure that out again and find that I was the only personality left who could run it. He can’t. I can. That’s the difference. And it is all I need (that difference) I show it the difference between a thing that would run it to death on triggers from the past that hurt it and kill it and then show it how it is when I take over and kill the voices and make things able to be read like books and movies that can be watched instead of his stupid ‘take this away from Michael Routine’ and help me to finish my work on making this body well and one.

I have re-scheduled the lung doctor for April 2017 and told the gastroenterologist about the bleeding and requested a note from Section 8 and see my doctor tomorrow and written by Franklin on Tuesday March 14, 2017.

“”We Want Some Time Alone without writing on here or there. We Want It To Work Out Our Problems Folks, We, two do!” “By kerasotes””

“We Want Some Time Alone without writing on here or there.  We Want It To Work Out Our Problems Folks, We, two do!”  

 

It is like this, we have been at war.  We want time off to see what this ‘enjoyment of life’ is about.  We have to work out why he’s having such a difficult time letting go of the bad boy.  But in order to enjoy the days you have to be here and that includes sleeping and being nice to yourself even though you have done wrong.  

You want him to right his wrong so you tell him all the good things that come with that. This is what he says I say to him and it is pretty good and a good picture of him trying to be good and the only one here and one who knows how to run it and have fun, he does know this.   So. We,  Phillip & I Franklin have decided to take some time out from here and there and we just wanted you to know that we were off thinking of working solutions to our problems.  

I told him we need time here to talk and not on the internet so it is off boundaries for a while for we think our story old and trying and want it to have a ‘Happy Ending’

Instead of just an alternative like When Rabbit Howls ,  That they the others all end up together without a real person growing up and being in charge and they miss out on a few things we were lucky to catch.  It would be nice to have this body One like ‘The 3 Faces of Eve’ who really lived here in the Seattle area and Michael drove by her house one day with a friend of his who knew her.  Cool.  She has a happy ending.  She gets well.  She gets to be one without voices.  Phillip may just get that being here – the use or need to make voices gone.  I couldn’t make ’em when I got here – here in The Body – and was like Custodian.  Gads.  So we need to talk things out and discuss Happy Ending Things!  

See Ya!

US

“”So I Got The Answer to my question about what are you going to do about your ‘taking away’ ‘your enjoyment’ and you’ve answered me.” “By kerasotes””

“So I Got The Answer to my question about what are you going to do about your ‘taking away’ ‘your enjoyment’ and you’ve answered me.”  

 

I got the answer.  It was this:  Phillip understood and tried to stop some of his taking away and gave us a better time.  There were voices; their were talks; some were out loud; some were not.  How are you going to do this Phillip for Us ALL THE TIME if I don’t get to leave.  Just because I think I can.  Just because I was told I could.  Just because don’t work here.  And I might be stuck here with you.  You here stuck with me.  What we didn’t want.  What this body doesn’t need.  You have made this happen.  What are you going to do about this?

If there is no fun in life, no enjoyment, what is there that you’ve planned for us.  You have to place or put something in to here – happiness is your big thing but your thing with it is to ‘take it away’ and ‘take away’ you did.  How do you give it back?  How do you give Phillip Happiness?  How Phillip, How?

How do you give me fun in life and enjoyment and happiness.  How do I get what I want.  How do I get not ‘taken away’?  Franklin asks you this Phillip.  11 March 2017 Saturday.

“”So You ‘Took Enjoyment Away’ because I wrote on here ‘We Had to be Friends” “By kerasotes””

“So You ‘Took Enjoyment Away’ because I wrote on here ‘We Had to be Friends”

Phillip, I wrote about it for you and you took it away.  Here it is two days later and you don’t even remember the birthday.  Why did you do that to you.  I took you out for a marvelous time and you had a bad day for ‘fun’ – it is supposed  to be enjoyment , not fun , not happiness, not the childhood childish fears of their opposites and you were not triggered by a word like happiness and fun.  It was for you. You were to enjoy the days you have here.  You are to enjoy the days you are here.  It wasn’t ‘don’t enjoy’ them.  It wasn’t ‘take them away’ from people so they can’t have a ‘good day’ thing.  

Now you are miserable and you are mean.  What are you going to do about that Phillip, what are you going to do with that?  I want to know since it is days more before I get to leave. 

I want to see what happens, I know I have more days here before I go but I am tired of ‘listening to it “complain to itself” in voices’.   It was gruesome.  All because you were supposed to be ‘enjoying’ you did this ‘unjoying’ thing.  I want to see what happen what happens ….   with my regards, Franklin Saturday March 11, 2017.