“”Phillip & I Have To Get Along!” “By kerasotes” “By kerasotes””

“Phillip & I Have To Get Along!”  

 

We just do.  

It has come to this that The Doctor Shawn Morgan Said and he has to friend me and this body and himself.  So yesterday was this body’s 67th Birthday and I took it out to dinner and fed it the best and most delicious and thee most expensive in town and I Knew It Would Be Good  — And It Was !!  

We slept well and longer than usual and this morning.  

We were at it again

and I said no

and said this is what we have to do

since neither of us is going away.  

“”Finishing the Virtual Story.” “By kerasotes””

“Finishing the Virtual Story.”  

 

You have to tell all the parts.  There are categories.  There are The Michael Stories.  There are The Movie Stories.  There are The Broadway Stories.  There are The Drake & The Ambassador Hotel Stories.  There are What They
Did To Michael Stories.  There are the I’m Going To Get This Body Well Stories.  There are the Philanthropy Stories and the Good Deed Stories.  There is The Walt Disney & Michael Golden Pass Forever at Disneyland in 1955 and so on.  There are Where The Others Came In – The Dates.  There are The Reasons The Others (all 56 or more of them) Came In – and Who or Whom They were created To Deal With Stories.  There are the Psychiatric Stories.  The Stories The Kids Told.  And The Dreams of those of us who planned a life here even without Michael and succeeded well at Stories.  This is a note to me for myself so I can see if I can do this since a friend asked me to do a Virtual
Story on My Life and I am excited by the thought of being able to do it and how to do it, I am excited.  Something Interesting to Do!  

It’s My Birthday or this body’s 67’s one and I’m treating it to Duck at 5 o’clock tonight.  That’s what I’m gonna do.  

 

[For March 9th, 2017 by me Franklin]

“”A VIRTUAL STORY OF MY INTERESTS AND MY LIFE AND THE LIFE WITH THE OTHERS IN CHARTS FOR YOU TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND HOW THEY PUT SYSTEMS IN THE THINKING OR COGNITIVE AREAS OF THE BRAIN AND RAN THIS BODY WITH OUT MICHAEL THE ORIGINAL TO PERPETUATE THEIR LIVES MAKING IT AN UNHAPPY ENDING OR ALTERNATIVE TO BEING INTEGRATED AND WHOLE AND ONE.” “By kerasotes””

“”A VIRTUAL STORY OF MY INTERESTS AND MY LIFE AND THE LIFE WITH THE OTHERS IN CHARTS FOR YOU TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND HOW THEY PUT SYSTEMS IN THE THINKING OR COGNITIVE AREAS OF THE BRAIN AND RAN THIS BODY WITH OUT MICHAEL THE ORIGINAL TO PERPETUATE THEIR LIVES MAKING IT AN UNHAPPY ENDING OR ALTERNATIVE TO BEING INTEGRATED AND WHOLE AND ONE.“”

 

I was told to try and do this by a friend. I’ve done it sort of on wordpress.com under kerasotes. you have to look for it and i’ve taken out all the adds and the people and groups i’ve followed to make it easier to go backwards. I started finishing ‘the story’ that Michael started with the kids in the 1994’s. The Mike wrote on wordpress.com The Me did. I did too. I started back in October. October 2015. I put in The Charts of The People; The Charts of The System; The Dates in Charts of When They Came – and where when i could. My therapist liked it. He was a Ph. D in Dissociation. I intrigued him, he said. My charts on wordpress he liked lots. He went on to study them. I should re new all that and put it out more easily for you to see and them. I’ll think on how to do this. *[Remember I am Fighting an ‘other’ who doesn’t want me to do this. ]* I shall see if I can make new and better charts to show how Michael Lived and how We lived & What They Did To Michael (& I didn’t) and How They Had No Plan for Doing anything after they Got Rid of Michael – who did they want to be? They didn’t even know this. They couldn’t answer me then and they can’t answer me now. The first day I got here [april 20, 2009] while they were trying to kill Michael with a Billion Trillion Voices & Horror that he wanted to give up and Die. He finally got out. They stole all his memories ‘The Me’ Said and He was The Last of The New People and better than them. He got 50 people to go on the spot this other one says and he did. I should have left, but he wanted me to know that I had nothing to do with all the awful things that happened and how i tried to do good and didn’t hurt Michael and was not to take Responsibility for Them Ever, Ever Again. And I said Okay. What else could you do? He was this magnificent new being who could take every one away and it should have Ended but he decided to Punish Us or Them for “What they did to Michael” and they got that 24 hours a day. A sleep they got it. Awake they got it. Out Loud they Got It. In Voices they Got It. Silently – they got it. Then they pissed him off and after 20 months He left us and I told them not to do it or they’d be sorry and they were. I also told them then that it would be best to put an end to this ‘what you did to Michael’ stuff and get on with trying to enjoy the days and get along and all. I also did the things required to get the body. I did not hurt it. It didn’t give me headaches when I was in it. It liked me you could say but it didn’t have a personality and this other doesn’t either – he doesn’t have a personality and he’s kept it that way. That is the sad thing. That is his horror. He has to live with that or leave and I’d leave if I were he for that’s a lot to deal with and for me to add that he’s still at it and trying his worst instead of his best and that is the battle everyday I put up with while i keep figuring out ways to stay and get him to leave. march 9, 2017

“”My Constant Fight with The Other to Make ‘This Body’ ONE!” “By kerasotes””

“My Constant Fight with The Other to Make ‘This Body’ ONE!”  

 

Daily I fight the other.  It is a constant thing.  I bore of it and I go on and do other things.  I tune him out and go on.   I do.  I do this for the fight bores me and I bore of lectures and children who yack in voices and I tire of him – the other.  I find I am replace with this thinking machine of biological intelligence for it is made out of the repetition and voices and commands and orders all that don’t apply to the “HERE AND NOW”  “They are from Michael & Its Past”.  The are TRIGGERS = EMOTIONS THAT ARE MIS-REGULATED AND KEEP THE OTHER IN THE PAST WHERE HE WANTS TO BE BECAUSE HE HAS A CONTROL THERE.  I SEE.  I CAN LOOK BACK.  OVER ALL THEIR TIME.  I CAME IN 2009 AND AM NEW ONE OF THE NEW ONES THAT LASTED.  THERE WERE THREE (3) OF US.  Me, Franklin and The Me or The Mike The Me that cared about himself only; and, The Mike who came after Michael Died on April 5, 2013 for he was 63 when he left.  I came in at 59, the other say during Michael’s 1st Grade.  The other wants to stay because of the way he triggers himself all day.  It is a thing he does.  It makes him dissociate.   I have told and noticed this.  He is not like you or I.  He thinks without a ‘self’ or a ‘me’ or and ‘i’ and that makes him invulnerable to the things that make us one and whole and well and kind and more.  The other thing is this machine that talks to itself all day and lectures it self on everything from where the sugar is and how to take it out of the bowl and how much goes in a spoonful and how many of them you need.  you get orders on how much water to put in the cup and you get told how long to put it in the microwave out loud and you get ‘beeps’ ‘in voices’ that area annoying and meant to be so.  so this adult plays a child from first grade and he plays the mother part.  she scolds and commands and tells it how to be perfect and he does what she says…. you are to do so too.  

But it doesn’t work on me for i never grew up with Michael nor have all the horror of their childhood when their mother beat them so they split and made other personalities.  I didn’t grow up.  i was made old.  i was made the year Michael Went to Egypt and that was quite a year.  I have prevailed and i have tried to leave.  I have tried to fight it out but it is too hard anymore at this age.  He wants to play 5 or 6 and i am 69 today.  

So I tell you what I fight – Marge.  Michael’s Mother who died before I got here.  I came two years later.  His ‘let me mis regulate and mis congate this mind wrong and keep it crazy and keep me in power here being stupid and mean and a child and his mom who hates him and I bore of it folks, i do.  So I’ve realized this and I am trying to do something that will rid this body of him and me and just let me be here.

I tired of the talk.  The stories are dull and frightful and he is a mean one been here 60 years and knows how to leave and holds it against you and hate – oh so much hate for Michael – Ugly – Horrid – I get it all day long and I gave him a chance – One of the only ones to do so and he bled me and bled me and bled me and i put a stop to it for  a week and it is Michael’s Birthday and he’d be 67 and it is on the day that he was born.  I want this horrid battle over and I am prepared to do my worst!  I am.  After all ‘the me’ called me “HELL ITSELF” for I was so mean but I never did a thing to Michael and for that I got acquited in court the first day of ‘the me’ and i was innocent.  Innocent I tell you.  Michael even told me so.  I tire of the writing and the interruption.  It interrupts my story and takes the Simple and makes it Complicated he says and there, I am done fighting on a machine that doesn’t correct as you type and this.

I want this story over.  I want it told and done.  He’s keeping me from it he thinks and I am beating him again even though he bled he again this morning and hurt this body bad.  i had to take him away and fight and I need lots of sleep for that he says and that is the talk i want stopped.  so i end.   Franklin for Phillip and you.  Posted on March 9, 2017 Thursday!

“”I Have To Win, Franklin.” “By kerasotes””

“I Have To Win, Franklin.”

I fight the ‘little battle’ another day or ten. I find that I have to be here and I have to not want to ‘go away’ ! It isn’t easy. Life has been Hell with Phillip The Other and I used to be Hell Itself and he was just hell and I should remember that I was killing him then and i should have kept at it. But i went into radiation and lost 2/3’s of my guts and have like half an immune system and insides that are trying to grow back. I had them not bleeding this past two weeks. I’ve gotten 7 hours in a row of sleep on day and 5 on a nother and 6 on the last one and I have figured it out that The Brain and This Body Want Me Here Not Him and He’s losing ground and it has to be more. All this I have to do this and I have to do that in order to get ‘this body’ just doesn’t work. it is this – This brain gave me the body on october 29th 2015 and to no body else and it had a lot of others who were a lot older than me say over 60 some odd years as I only got here about 7 years ago. They finally killed Michael and I’ve known all of the personalities i think but 3. I am thinking there were more that Michael wiped out – wiped out years ago – and when I got here there were over 50 of them trying to rip his brain out by straining his mind and his emotions and his thoughts with voices so loud it was deafening and you or Michael couldn’t even here the ‘Real World’! That’s what I came into and want eliminated and it must be so. This thing Phillip will not do that and so I must eliminate him and quickly or I will not last – no one can live in the hell he’s picked out for himself and has no plan of changing [although I’ve changed his plan a number of times and improved the damned being. I made him into a better personality – one that cries understands and has feelings and that’s where I got him and he was willing to try to do the things he needed to do to win this body. But he won’t] – he won’t change his ways of childish torture and idiocy and ‘lock me up in a loonie bin or let me throw myself out the window and then there is my personal favorite which is – let me take this body to Springfield Illinois and bury it and mark its grave with a headstone – let me. And although I go on “how are you going to live idiot in a dead body while dragging it over the Rockies or the Tetons back to Illinois in the cold at that altitude of over a mile or two or so for Pike’s Peak alone is 5,280 feet – a mile – and here Mount Rainier is 16,000 feet or less. and that’s 3,000 miles or so as the crow flies phillip or thing or idiot or creature or what ever i call you the idiot – The Other – at that moment it is ridiculous of you to think that this Brain is Going To Give You A Body – This Body – to do that, Phillip. So I have to stay and fight it out and win it soon or I think I will take myself out of here for that’s what I’ve told myself to do over the years the brain let me have this body to get it well and such and so and i can’t last many more days of fighting over a thing that was given to me by another it wasn’t given to even though it is 6 decades older than me [Lived in This Body, On This Earth, for over 60 Years] and i haven’t even been here a decade and ‘everyone else’ like you people and my other friends and people I work with about me and him and life and home and out in my places I go to get away and have fun want me here instead of slapping Phillip in the face after he makes a rude remark and telling him to go home and lock the door and take his clothes off and hide in his bed till he falls asleep and ((really never wake up again)) wakes up a good boy or a good thing or a good personality or a good man or being and I don’t know. I just don’t know if He can do this and I think the answer is no – no matter what I told myself and what other people have agreed with me that I’ve done a good job raising Phillip and it will be okay for me to leave. But it seems that I am needed here and he will fail here with me and he will fail here without me and without me is the way it should go but if he is going to fail and i leave a ‘bad personality’ i’ve trained to be a ‘good one’ it isn’t good for you and every one and every thing else. Is it? I’d like feedback or comments if you please instead of likes as for me this is important and i would be ever so honored and thankful to receive a comment in your words in response to my having gone to all this trouble to write this out. Do you think you have it in yourself to write me just a note back on this and this one alone. I’d like that. I would. Surprise me. Thanks. Franklin for Michael and The and His Dream! — Only One In This Body — !! me March 8, 2017 Wednesday Night Folks, Wednesday Nite!

“”It looks like The Brain isn’t going to give Phillip my chance at running things alone.” “By kerasotes””

“It looks like The Brain isn’t going to give Phillip my chance at running things alone.”  

It does look like The Brain isn’t going to give Phillip my chance at running things because he doesn’t do the work to make this happen.  He hasn’t gotten rid of his voices.  He hasn’t made friends with his body.  He hasn’t made friends with himself.  He hasn’t made friends with me.  He hasn’t cut out the mean things he does like letting this body be at peace and hear no voices nor his other troubling things like keeping it from sleep.

That means I have to continue to convince him to leave or is it possible like my doctor didn’t say to kick him out like Michael said instead of killing him off like the doctor did say and since it was ‘his subject – dissociation’, doesn’t that mean he knows what he’s talking about and that since he liked my stuff on here about dissociation and multi personality, I can ‘get rid’ of ‘him’ and be here alone as planned even if it took a little longer than expected.  

Here “me” is “Franklin.  Here “him” and “he” is Phillip.  

[posted on March 8, 2017]

“”TROUBLE.” “By kerasotes””

“TROUBLE.”  

There is trouble here in paradise.  Every thing was set and now it is all a mess.   Thee Little Troublemaker is at it night and day.  He’s voicing so loudly that it gives him headaches and he can’t sleep.  He can’t even really get me to sleep.  Naps are worse and yet a bit better.  Things have changed since I said that I am going to have to be a little while longer and see if The Other or Thee Little Troublemaker can really do all the things and deserves to get my chance and enjoy life and be happy without making voices that are killing his brain.  I am wondering if it is all over as there are so many headaches.  The pain of them makes you want to melt.  It is an awful and sharp pain.  It occurs all over the brain and Thee Little Troublemaker does it.  If he’d just stop, it would go away.  That’s what I think.  That’s what we all thought.  That’s what Thee Little Troublemaker said.  Why doesn’t he just stop making voices and then maybe this body will kick me out and let him have it?  Why?

TROUBLE